Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 1: The Hee-Haw-ley Index

Maxwell C. Bridges

2008-09-11

This body of work is mostly one side of a debate that frequently touched on 9/11. My chief opponent in the long-running debates was Craig Hawley.

Whereas my postings to Craig frequently quoted him, Craig did take issue with this site not using his postings in their entirety. Aside from it not being my responsibility to preserve Craig's words, my reasoning at the time was that his postings were generally not well-written, not well thought out, repetitive, and frequently hateful. One of his main tools in making his case on any subject is to insult and belittle his opponent. Also, Craig seems to compose his text directly into the web form's text box that allows you to see at one time only 11 lines (50 characters per line), which can explain many of his writing errors, repetition, and heat-of-the-moment name-calling.

While performing a subsequent editing pass of this work to add missing time prior to the chronicles, I had a change of heart with regards to the inclusion of Craig's original postings, because they offer a sharp contrast beyond what I would excerpt. I did often save copies of Craig's postings of interest, so that I could read and reference them off-line at my leisure when writing my responses. In no way, shape, or form did I try to capture all of Craig's prose. (His average daily posts were over 11 at the Coloradoan; there and at the Collegian, he posted to nearly all forums, responded to nearly everyone, and seemed to have to have the last word.) Still, I discovered enough of saved Craig originals to merit highlighting them here and flagging them as "Sample".

What I find ironic is that Craig's feeble efforts at dismissing me out-of-hand as a "nutty conspiracy theory loon" would have been far more effective if he simply would have shut up and otherwise not engaged me. So, I owe him a debt of gratitude for inspiring this work.

It is too bad Craig wasn't paying attention, like

Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 1: The Hee-Haw-ley Index

Table of Contents

  1. Jesus Spoke to Me
  2. Jesus Spoke to Me about 9/11
  3. Test of the Gods
  4. Righteousness Right Now
  5. Who Are You?
    6. * Boring because it required you to Think? * Wanting to See Some Passionate Name Calling or Profanity * First Failed Reading Comprehension Test * What is your motivation for pooh-poohing any mention of 9/11? * Saying it does not make it so * Under Our Stewardship * If you cheat, is it truly a win? * What motivates someone from Reseda, California? * Put on the Reich-Wing Shoe * How Little You Understand * nothing at the time Saddam committed his crimes * Dragging a 9/11 Discussion * Infatuated with Two Northern Colorado Publications * Failed Your Online Reading Comprehension Test Yet Again * Debunk versus Debunked Debunk * You ain't from here * Test-Taking Intellect has Failed You * They don't have to do Mundane Things like make a Convincing Case * "I hereby dispel your arguments!" * Hang on to your ignorance all the way down, baby! * Teach a Troll His Name * Difference Between Monitoring and Meddling * Missing the Meddling Point * The "nutty" 9/11 Commissioners * a mere mortal or maybe God or Jesus Christ might be able to get through to you * Corporations are not People * Control is what it's all about * States' Governments Lead the Charge
  6. Hee-Haw-ley
    7. * One-Trick Pony on 9/11 * Two Very Simple Questions Repeated * Direct Questions a Third Time * {Signature Clarification} * Show Your Intelligence, Don't Tell Us * Ode to Mathematics * What Ron Paul Stands For * Holding Your Hand with the Math * Ignorance of Recent American History * Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics * Resident Government Trolls Policing All 9/11 Postings * 9/11 DVD Review Request * Your MOS is Definitely Troll * You, Sir, are a Troll * PUT UP OR SHUT UP! BE A PATRIOT FINALLY! * Hee-Haw-ley Rarely Writes Meaningful Content * Hee-Haw-ley's Buzzword Bingo Update! * Bingo Beyond Beschwiptst! * Just Plain Hee-Haw * Exam the Lint in Your Navel * Lead a Donkey to Water * Speak From My Own Knowledge? * Coincidence Theorist * Is Bush a Hitler? * Sample 1: Mr. Hawley's Own Words * Action under his Desk in the Oval Office as a Measuring Stick * Missing/Deleted Postings * Who has inflicted irreparable harm to our institutions? * Honorable People * Sample 2: A Model of Right-Wing Double-Standards * Referring to the Model of Right-Wing Double-Standards * Reading Comprehension Problems * Clearer Indication of what He'll be like as President * Sample 3: Hate Bush * Amazon Book Order
  7. Collegic Hee-Haw-ley
    8. * Reset Warning Counter * Sample 1: The Posting That Got Him Booted From the Coloradoan * Sample 2: Answering His Ejection on the Collegian * Hawley's Departure from the Coloradoan * Coloradoan to the Collegian * Gone Hawley * Begin Paranoid Speculation * Working his Way Out * The Empress of Light of "Bias" * Media versus Journalists Biases * Women make mighty fine softball players * Sample 3: Echo Chamber Gathers Steam * A Mind Welded Shut, Registered Indefensible * Appropriate Nicknames * Conspiracy Innuendos * Karl Rove School of Online Debate * Spinning Wheels of Words * Gunslinger for Hire * {Unfinished Response to Hawley}
  8. Donkey's in the Pasture
    9. * What Form would (PNAC) Government Internet Interference Take? * Ridiculous 9/11 Government Conspiracy? * I don't really believe that our Government is Evil * What You Believe is Just That * So You Didn't Miss Anything * Craig Hawley sucks * Sample 1: You are not nudging me anywhere * Your verbosity Proves our Point * The Sheep Love Snail-Mail Postcards * Live by Straw Man Argumentation * Exclude Your Writings * Why don't more line up behind 9/11 Truth? * Message to the Craigs * Know Your Enemies * Craig is a Habitual Liar. * Craig Hawley is a LIAR * Home-Grown Homeland Security Terrorist & Liar Craig Hawley * What else have you lied about? * Karl Rove Lessons of Online Debate (revisited) * Correcting Craig's Reframing * Friendly Warning to Craig about Internet Safety * Apologize for My Behavior * Apologize for My Behavior 2 * Hawley's True Fan Base * Real Name is Out-of-Step in USERNAME * Friend or Foe of Craig Hawley? * Score Card isn't on Facebooks * Only 25 Registered Friends * Poor Real Name Argument * a trolling, out-of-state, pot-smoking, panty-raiding, 50 year-old * Head-Stabbing Threat That Wasn't * Craig Has a Blog! * End of the Semester Inactivity * The Crime is being Abusive * Freedom of Speech Instruction * Homeland Security to Your Door First * Bring about Civil Discourse * Repeat Falsehoods * No Apologies from the Trolls * Whose Sockpuppet are you? * Equating the Aliases * Three Times as many Haters as Supporters * Sample 2: Craig Tokes and Spins * Mini-Hawley Sample 1: Talks almost like a Lawyer * Sample 3: Thanking the Echo Chamber * Clean Hands Principle Violated * Is She really a Lawyer? * Sample 4: Invitation to Speak to the RamRepublic * Pretty Baked
  9. The Chronicles of Hey-soos: Part 1
    10. * No religious Wars Here * In My Father's House are Many Mansions * Eagerness to Hate * Sample 1: "Your(sp) not Jesus Christ" * 20th Century's Bloodiest Mass Murders * Whosoever Shall Say, Thou fool * An Alien Observing Human Behavior beyond "Saturn and orbiting around Uranus," * The good Christian, American Arms Manufacturers * What is Good for the Goose * Birds of a Feather * Christian Hypocrite * Abode Not in the Truth * Stopped being Practical on September 11th * Sample 2: Dispense the analogies as just plain ignorant and vacuous * Sample 3: I know how to get definitions * Sample 4: Correcting His Birthdate * Legal Malpractice * Wolf in Sheepdog's Clothing * Misrepresented Position * Plethora of Others * Slander All Men and Women in Uniform * Misguided Assertions * Asked to Speak on Campus * Were I Maxwell * Many, Many Hints
  10. The Chronicles of Hey-soos: Part 2
    11. * Cherry-picking Wrong * Which of Us is a Liar? * Short List of Hawley Lies * Three Stages * Cherry-picking Wrong (revisited) * Weasel Wording Vietnam Era Veteran * Unjust in the Least * Can't Address the Arguments * "Paid-to-Post" Government Troll * "Nutsy" in Legal Briefings * Repeating the Canard * Six are Alive * Three to One with Threats of Physical Violence * Using Your Words to Name You * Settle This Once and For All * Not Trying to be Difficult * Why They Aren't Televised * What Would Really Help Your Writing? * Miserable Reading Comprehension * Hawley's Birthday Gift
  11. The Chronicles of Hey-soos: Part 3
    12. * Lurking Behind Every Unknown Alias * Less Than Zero * HATER Acronym * Within Your First Three Sentences, You Screw Up * How Will Database History Treat You? * The Number One HATER Writer * "Wishful Thinking: False Bold Statement" (WTFBS) * Wrong on Both Counts * Major isms: terrorism, socialism, elitism, anti-Americanism * The Greatest Story Never Told * The Sheople I Need To Convince * Straining to Discredit * 9/11 ist Verboten für Regierungszwerge (Government Trolls) * Projecting a lot of Yourself onto Me * Hawley doesn\t Lie? * Hawley ain't... Christian * Nice Hatchet Job * WTFBS and False Claims * How about doing your 9/11 Assignment * Changing Minds
  12. The Chronicles of Hey-soos: Part 4
    13. * {DRAFT} Melted Steel? * Crap Propaganda * Nuclear bomb * McCain Talking Points * {DRAFT} He Lacks * Fawning Brown Noser * The Measure of The Man * Consternation to Correct Author * What Patriotism Is, and Is Not * Lying, Stupid Whore Exhibits A - H * Lying, Stupid Whore Exhibits I - N * So, what'll it be, punk? * Reading Craig Hawley's Thoughts * Reading Reg Indy's Thoughts * Hijab worn in Mansions * My Pretty Little Derriere * Apologist for Christian-Warmongers * Potato and Swim Trunks * Psychotic Sockpuppet * Read My Lips * Lying, Stupid Man-Whore * God-given Role as 9/11 Goverment Troll
  13. Side Debates
    14. * Getting Senile * Voting McCain Getting Senile * Demo(n)cratic Party * No-Planer * False Stories of Insurgents and Female Flight Attendants * The Pentagon’s War on the Internet * Tortured Defense of Torture? * Voice of the Pentagon * Moon-Beam Lunatic? * Lost Cause? * Response to Arvensis * Make It Up, Reggie * Troofers are just so hilarious * Rogers Innovation Curve * bloodthirsty terrorists * get rid of the F***ing FED * Democraps and Libtard * Eye Poke * right to be wrong * gore someone into fighting * Ad Hominem attack rant * Victim of C.H. Hypocrisy * The Pen * To Criticize Is To Publicize
  14. Epilogue
    15. * Do you know anything about sheep? * Collegian * Worthless Roving Bum (WRB) * Other Rumnants can graze the same Pastures as Sheep; Correcting the Record with an Admission and Apology * RE: Other Rumnants can graze the same Pastures as Sheep * Three-for-one Effectiveness in Feeding Sheep * Re: Three-for-one effectiveness in feeding sheep * Fact Checking and No-Planer * 9/11 is a No-Planer * The Story of the Whistleblower * Drivel and Hype * Propaganda Arm of the Bush Administration * The Obvious MSM Liberal Bias * Words and Opinions Proving Themselves * If someone doesn't read or see or hear something it has zero effect on them. * THE MAN misinterprets and misunderstands * Re: THE MAN misinterprets and misunderstands * Filtering and Suppression at the Editorial Level * YES WE CAN KILL OUR COUNTRY * Epilogue to the Chronicles of Hey-Suess * Re: Epilogue to the Chronicles of Hey-Suess * Taking Bait on Military Service * Taking Bait on Obama Staff Pick Vetting

    » Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 2: Registered 420 Jimmy

    » Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 3: Semaphore for Truth

    » Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 4: 9/11 Christian Science Treatment

    » Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 5: Mind Your P's & Q's

    » Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 6: Q Dots

    » Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 7: Nine-One-One

    » Hey-Suess Chronicles Volume 8: Q-BoughtBot


Choice Quotations from the Hee-Haw-ley Himself showing his God-given character & charm:
* 1 * 2 * 3 * 4 * 5 * 6 * 7 * 8 * 9 * 10 * 11 * 12 * 13 * 14 * 15 * 16 * 17 * 18 * 19 * 20 * 21 * 22 * 23 * 24 * 25 * 26 * 27 * 28 * 29 * 30 * 31 * 32 * 33 * 34 * 35 * 36 * 37 * 38 * 39 * 40 * 41 * 42 * 43 * 44 * 45 * 46 * 47 * 48 * 49 * 50 * 51 * 52 * 53 * 54 * 55 * 56 * 57 * 58 * 59 * 60 * 61 * 62 * 63 * 64 * 65 * 66 * 67 * 68 * 69 * 70 * 71 * 72 * 73 * 74 * 75 * 76 * 77 * 78 * 79 * 80 * 81 * 82 * 83 * 84 * 85 * 86 * 87 * 88 * 89 * 90 * 91 * 92 * 93 * 94 * 95 * 96 * 97 * 98 * 99 * 100 * 101 * 102 * 103 * 104 * 105 * 106 * 107 * 108 * 109 * 110 * 111 * 112 * 113 * 114 * 115 * 116 * 117 * 118 * 119 * 120 * 121 * 122 * 123 * 124 * 125 * 126 * 127 * 128 * 129 * 130 * 131 * 132 * 133 * 134 * 135 * 136 * 137 * 138 * 139 * 140 * 141 * 142 * 143 * 144 * 145 * 146 * 147 * 148 * 149 * 150 * 151 * 152 * 153 * 154 * 155 * 156 * 157 * 158 * 159 * 160 * 161 * 162 * 163 * 164 * 165 * 166 * 167 * 168 * 169 * 170 * 171 * 172 * 173 * 174 * 175 * 176 * 177 * 178 * 179 * 180 * 181 * 182 * 183 * 184 * 185 * 186 * 187 * 188 * 189 * 190 * 191 * 192 * 193 * 194 * 195 * 196 * 197 * 198


Choice Quotations from Hee-Haw-ley's Echo Chamber, Registered Independent:
* 1 * 2 * 3 * 4 * 5 * 6 * 7 * 8 * 9 * 10 * 11 * 12 * 13 * 14 * 15 * 16 * 17 * 18 * 19 * 20 * 21 * 22 * 23 * 24 * 25 * 26 * 27 * 28 * 29 * 30 * 31 * 32 * 33 * 34 * 35 * 36 * 37 * 38 * 39 * 40 * 41 * 42 * 43 * 44 * 45 * 46 * 47 * 48 * 49 * 50 * 51


Choice Quotations from Hee-Haw-ley's Superior Officer, Sgt. Asshat:
* 1 * 2 * 3 * 4 * 5 * 6 * 7 * 8 * 9 * 10 * 11 * 12 * 13


Quotations from Jesus H. Christ:
* 1 * 2 * 3 * 4 * 5 * 6 * 7 * 8 * 9 * 10 * 11 * 12 * 13 * 14 * 15 * 16 * 17 * 18 * 19 * 20 * 21 * 22 * 23 * 24


Quotations from others:
* 1 * 2 * 3 * 4 * 5 * 6 * 7 * 8 * 9 * 10 * 11 * 12 * 13 * 14 * 15 * 16 * 17 * 18 * 19 * 20 * 21